How online culture has impacted parasocial relationships
As internet celebrities grow in popularity, so does their risk of parasocial relationships with fans.
By Michaela Ely
After the release of a popular internet duo’s YouTube video revealing their relationship, I began to consider the impact that parasocial relationships may have on not just us as fans, but on the celebrities we have these relationships with.
Daniel Howell and Phil Lester have been on YouTube since 2009 and from the time of their first video, people speculated about their relationship and their sexualities.
They both came out on YouTube in 2019 with Howell’s video coming out first and Lester’s following 17 days after. In Howell’s video, he revealed that he and Lester were clearly more than friends but emphasized that part of his life was private, and he would not be sharing further details with his fan base.
“Through the magic of the internet, I met Phil,” said Howell in his coming out video. “Obviously we were more than friends but it was more than just romantic. This is someone that genuinely liked me. I trusted them. And for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe. And the relationship we formed at that point was something that I needed in my life.”
For some fans, this was a confirmation that they were in a relationship and for others, it was a sign that they were never meant to know. So why reveal it six years later?
In the video revealing their relationship, they literally say, “why are we talking about this now,” and the truth is that they both finally felt comfortable enough to disclose that part of their life.
Some argue that as a celebrity or internet personality, it is normal to assume that there will be some loss of privacy. But wouldn’t it also be normal to assume that they are people and deserve the same right to privacy we all have as humans? But with this duo in particular, their privacy was invaded time and time again by fans.
Fans recreated their apartment in the game “The Sims,” by finding their apartment on Google Street View, hunting down old MySpace pages and just overall continuing to comment or ask invasive things on their videos. While Howell and Lester acknowledge that many of their fans were younger and thought that they were well-intentioned, they also acknowledge that this kind of invasion of privacy was incredibly harmful to them.
Both Howell and Lester know that their relationship may have seemed obvious to some, but their relationship began in 2009, an era that was not necessarily known for its acceptance of queer people.
Howell referenced how difficult his adolescence was for him in terms of dealing with homophobia in this video and his coming out video.
“I just felt totally alone, confused and I deeply hated myself,” said Howell. “I used to ask God, in case he was there, to please, just make me straight and everyone stop. But I saw no end, no escape, no way to change the world or who I was.”
So it shouldn’t be any surprise that he wouldn’t want to make any kind of relationship public, especially after how invasive fans were.
I was 12 years old when I started watching them both on YouTube, so their sexualities and relationship status weren’t the biggest deal to me. I just enjoyed watching the way they interacted with each other. I remember watching videos and thinking, “I want what they have.” Their channel became a safe space for me and It’s somewhere I would go to escape the struggles of being an adolescent.
When they both came out, I wondered if they were together all along because to me, they embodied the kind of relationship we could all aspire to have.
As a queer teen, being able to see any sort of positive queer representation really validated my entire existence. Now, as a queer adult who just found out her favorite YouTubers are actually together, I feel that validation even further.
Being able to come out is already a difficult experience, and I can’t imagine how much more difficult it must be if you are any kind of public figure. While their coming out couldn’t have been easy, I am so glad that I was able to have that representation to feel more comfortable in my own skin.
Reactions to the relationship reveal have been overwhelmingly positive with many fans noting that while it may not have been any of our business whether or not they were in a relationship, it has brought many of us, including myself, joy.
Since the relationship reveal video, Howell and Lester have started a podcast titled “Hard Launch,” where they tell stories they never could have told before without there being some sort of implication that they were together. They have also since released an “anniversary” video that shows them going all over London, as decided by a rat, to celebrate their first ever meeting.
As someone who is queer, I understand the right to privacy as something fundamental, something that none of us in the community should ever have to fight for. At the same time, being in the public eye means that maintaining that right to privacy is increasingly difficult. However, if this relationship reveal has taught us anything, it is that we should really mind our own business when it comes to sexuality and relationships. It’s none of our business unless someone wants it to be.
