Hendrix the Husky assigns UW Tacoma schools horoscopes
Hi, UWT students, Hendrix the Husky here. I recently discovered that I have an affinity for horoscopes and wanted to share with you my predictions and recommendations for spring quarter and beyond. I discovered this ability last year visiting New Orleans for the 2024 College Football Playoff National Championship game and wanted to share my abilities with all of the students!
Here they are for everyone to see. It was not easy going around to every school to gather information about them, and some of the students were too shy to answer my questions.
School of Education: The planets have aligned, and they are telling students in this school to maybe stop drinking so much Red Bull. Seriously, the caffeine intake needs to drop a bit. Your lesson plans will probably require an excessive amount of time and effort, which is unfortunate due to the fact that lesson plans go out the window when you actually start teaching. If you graduate this quarter, look out for job opportunities that won’t result in small gremlin children taking you out at the kneecaps.?
School of Engineering and Technology: At all costs, avoid telling your friends in the humanities about your projects unless you are willing to actually explain what you’re talking about. Try some social interaction and maybe try consuming less caffeine. Students in this school should go touch some grass during this quarter rather than hiding inside like a vampire. Please get some sun and stay off your computers for a while.
School of Interdisciplinary Arts and Sciences: This school is so big that this needs to be split into an “arts” and “sciences” category. For those in the arts, please stop using big words when you don’t know how to use them in context. You’re terrifying the people who have to peer review your papers. This quarter, try sticking with something consistently. It doesn’t matter what it is, but you might benefit from consistency. For those in the sciences, try to be a bit more impulsive. Staring at complex math all day will probably destroy your brain and so will constant routine. Dye your hair, go cliff jumping or anything in between.
Milgard School of Business: Don’t trust the business plans you come up with in a sleep deprived haze at 3 a.m. Beware of predatory hedge funds in the media, and please don’t use your marketing skills to start one. We don’t need more internet scams, instead think about how you can be useful to society and start a plumbing company!
School of Nursing and Healthcare Leadership: Why are the planets telling every school to cut back on caffeine consumption? Anyway again, I know you don’t get much sleep, but please cut down on caffeine consumption. Anthem and Metro Coffee can only support so many Lotus energy drink orders. Your notes for classes this quarter will be as aesthetically pleasing as they always are, but it might be beneficial to try a method that will make you look at your notes more than once. Also, just in case, don’t try to be a walking WebMD. Your friends can find that information on their own, just tell them to use Google.
School of Social Work and Criminal Justice: Stop watching the news! Your future job market may be difficult, but it’ll be worse if you don’t take some time for yourself. It may not really be in your nature, but you spend so much time trying to help others, but if you focus too much on the future, you’ll crash out from anxiety fueled insanity. You do a great job of listening but try not to dissociate so hard, nodding along to a conversation that you miss how the other person is sharing their plot to overthrow the local government.
School of Urban Studies: Don’t be worried about the constant construction around campus, it’s either not as bad as you think or it’s worse. Spend some time walking around your city and overanalyze every poor design choice you find. You may find yourself wondering “why in the world is Tacoma built on a giant hill that no one likes walking up?” You’ll never figure out the answer because it doesn’t exist, there is no specific reason. Don’t think too hard about the new construction of apartment buildings that look kind of like prisons. Just don’t, for your own sake.
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