Satire: Lowering our carbon footprint

I personally have been at odds with nearly every stance President Trump has taken, as well as actions which he has performed. However, his current stance on climate change policy is the most progressive our nation has seen in years. If he suc­ceeds in removing gun-free zones, our country’s carbon footprint will drop significantly — to a greater de­gree than any other point after the industrial revolution.

President Trump is clearly a prag­matist. He understands the necessity of prioritizing the greater good. By doing away with gun-free zones, and consequently enabling countless mass shootings, we are ultimately doing what is best for the entire world. In the grand scheme of things, a few human lives clearly don’t matter, and I’m glad that Trump has made that abundantly clear. Some people — even children — have to die so that we can enhance the health of our planet. Trump stands out as a paragon of environmental preservation.

Some people might, as least ini­tially, be wary, or even indignant at such a revolutionary proposal: saving the environment by enabling mass shootings. However, as he and the Republican Party have explained ad nauseam, people are going to kill each other with weapons no matter what we do, so why bother with gun con­trol? Instead, we should embrace our nation’s obscene levels of gun vio­lence, and use them to further our environmental agenda. Maybe human nature can save Mother Nature.

It’s time our nation follows Presi­dent Trump in getting our priorities straight: Human lives are not a major concern. We must do what is right, and in this case, it is sacrificing count­less human lives for the sake of na­ture’s health. It is better to bite the bullet and protect our environment. Hopefully, moving forward, Trump will continue being progressive when it comes to environmental policies. 2018 promises to be an amazing year for both nature and our country.


Lucas Waggoner

Lucas is a PPE major in University of Washington Tacoma, and he is graduating with a Bachelor's in philosophy. His primary interests are philosophy, politics, and law. He is currently working as a teacher at a secondary school while preparing to attend law school immediately following graduation.