MLB cancels baseball season again, signs your dad’s softball team

Photo courtesy of AP Photo / John Raoux | Rob Manfred commenting on the decision to cancel the season.

After tense negotiations, the league came to terms with your dad’s softball team.

In a shocking turn of events, Major League Baseball (MLB) has canceled the recently signed labor agreement with the Major League Baseball Players Association and instead opted to sign your dad’s softball team. MLB Commissioner, Rob Manfred, held a press conference to announce the decision. 

”While we thought we had finally come to an agreement with the Player’s Union, we left a clause in the contract in invisible ink-kind of like the map on the back of the Declaration of Independence from that Nick Cage movie-which allowed us to void the contract if a better offer came along. We are proud to present the Tacoma Aromas as our first new team and we know that we will be finding other top-notch talent in the coming weeks,” said Manfred.

The Player’s Association released a comment: “While we are disappointed with the league’s decision, after hearing the terms of the deal, we found it better to just move on.”

This of course is in reference to the player salary, which is a six pack of Bud Light per game, and the medical coverage which is a bag of frozen peas and two boxes of expired “Despicable Me” Minion Band-Aids. 

When asked if Manfred had thought about employing women’s softball teams he replied “People don’t want to watch peak athletes push their body to the breaking point any longer. They want to see people they can relate to and after watching a women’s softball game, we realized that they were simply too talented to be relatable to the average American.” 

Perhaps the most shocking revelation of all is that the announcement was made on April Fool’s Day.

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