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SPORT REPORT: Thumb war of the century: Seahawks must drop to XFL

In one of the most shocking moves in sports history, it has recently been announced that the Seattle Seahawks will now be playing in the Xtreme Football League, and the Dragons are to take their place in the NFL to compete with the best players in the world. Dragons head coach Jim Zorn — as he has seen the potential of his team and believes they have what it takes in the NFL — called for the challenge. One would have thought that this move would have taken place on the gridiron but Zorn had other ideas. 

Being the new head coach of a football team, Zorn reached out to Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll asking for advice. Carroll did not think anything of it at first, believing it was just a friendly call since he had connections with Zorn in the past. However, things took a turn for the worst when Zorn started making claims that his Dragons could compete with the Seahawks on the field and come out victorious. 

The original thought was that the teams would schedule a time to play each other in a full game with an officiating crew. Zorn quickly opposed and offered a different way to settle their differences: a thumb war. This excited Carroll, as he stated that he was a five-time thumb war champion in elementary school. 

“I am very confident in my thumb war ability,” Carroll said. “Every day I do specific hand workouts to keep them in shape if the opportunity ever came to showcase my skills in a high pressure situation like this one.”

Zorn disregarded any comment Carroll made, as he had high confidence in his thumb war capabilities as well.

“Remember, I was the one who made this challenge,” Zorn said. “If I didn’t think I was going to win I would have never contacted him in the first place.”

The date was set. The two coaches would meet on March 2 at the top of Seattle’s Space Needle with limited media presence. The match would be in a two out of three format and the first coach with two victories would be the winner. It was then officially determined that the loser’s team would have to drop a league and play in the XFL. 

The day of the match came. Anticipation was running high throughout the city as fans gathered around the bottom of the Space Needle to see who would come out victorious. Most fans I spoke with stated that they were rooting for Carroll as they did not want to see the Seahawks drop a league. 

The first match between the two was as close as it could be, lasting over five minutes. The two waited for someone to make the first move until Zorn finally struck and took Carroll’s thumb down for a three count. The next match, Carroll came out with fire and beat Zorn in under 10 seconds to set up a winner takes all third game. 

Match three lasted just under 15 minutes. Each coach was making moves but seemed unable to take the other down. That was until Zorn yelled “Look over there,” to Carroll which resulted in him looking to the side and thus leading Zorn to strike and win the final match. 

The official details have not been released yet but the Seahawks will not have to play in the XFL for the time being. It comes as a shock to the city and fans as well as the players who were just notified of the change.

The Ledger will continue to cover this story as new details of the situation are released — which will never happen. Happy April Fools’ Day!