Court 17 to be demolished to put in trailer park for students

After much discussion, Court 17 will be demolished and replaced with a luxurious new trailer park. The final straw came from too many guests roaming about Court 17 with no escort. The plans include the preexisting Court 17 Green and the ground where Court 17 stood. The demolition will take place over spring break.

The feedback has been incredibly positive for the new student housing plan. One of the most exciting changes is that the parking problem will be fixed, seeing that each trailer will have a parking space for the inhabiting tenant’s car. The position for RA will be completely removed, as there will be no more hallways, obviously. All mail students receive will be forwarded to UW Tacoma’s YMCA.

Shaun Jones, a YMCA employee, will be responsible for singlehandedly sorting out all the mail. “I love mail,” said Jones, “but not as much as I love sorting it. The only thing that I love more than mail and sorting mail, is the idea of Court 17 becoming a trailer court”.

Additionally current Court 17 resident Cade Reynoldson said, “It has been very hard to get my moonshine business off the ground. I make a great product, but the lousy RAs just simply won’t leave me alone to hone my craft. Now that Trailer Court 17 won’t have any RA’s, it’s going to be so much easier for me to get rich off of this liquid gold!”

Court 17 trailers will additionally come with a complementary charcoal grill to make it easier and cheaper to grill up some tasty hot dogs with your friends. I’m ecstatic for this new change, because it’s been very hard to get acclimated to the dorm environment, and my colleagues and I feel that we’ll excel socially and academically once we are all moved in. 

I explained this to Keely Henderson, head of residence life at Court 17, to which she responded “I have absolutely no clue what you’re talking about. Turning Court 17 into a trailer court has to be the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard. That’s totally not happening. How did you get this number? Please don’t call again.”

As Spring quarter approaches, we can all expect Court 17 to be the same state of the art living facility it’s always been. Happy April Fools’ Day!