Breaking News: Bantam Silkie chickens takeover UW Tacoma
Out in the woods on a rural chicken farm just days before April 1 in Pierce County, Washington, the bantam Silkie and Satin chickens were waiting for the perfect time to escape.
“Bawk bawk bawk,” the Silkie chickens said, looking at each other with a side-eye, then walking towards the double fencing meant to keep them in.
Amongst her coworkers at The Ledger, it is widely known that Elissa Blankenship, the managing editor of the student newspaper, has quite an army of Silkies, Satins and frizzle-feathered chickens. Elissa may not know it yet, but her chickens are conspiring to take over UW Tacoma.
It started when the rabbits saw the lead Splash Silkie rooster in the Giving Garden. He was bred by the late Marge Best, a master lifetime breeder in the Silkie showing community. The splash-colored rooster dug up some carrots for the wild rabbits and picked off some lettuce for his hens to eat, his hens being the colors blue and blue splash, sporting the different feather types.
“Bawk Bawk. Bawk bawk bawk. Bawk wraaakk wraaa raaaaa,” the rooster calls for his hens and the rabbits to come feast on the uprooted vegetables.
“Bawk bawk, we should bawk take over bawk the campus bawk baaaawk,” the hens said.
The birds began to plot their campus takeover, their departure from the farm and their arrival in Tacoma, where they would begin running or flying towards the campus.
Student Kat Everdeen, who manages the Giving Garden and signs in visitors, witnessed the chickens first panic-flying onto the campus on April 1, just as she arrived at 8 a.m. in the Tioga parking lot and parked her vehicle.
“They went up on the rooftops, they flew all over until feathers flew everywhere. I think they even disturbed the crows. I thought Elissa mentioned to me that Silkies can’t fly! They must have been the Satins, who have barbed feathers. They can fly much better than I ever imagined,” Everdeen said.
Eion Sternberg, Elissa’s boyfriend and occasional volunteer farmhand said, “they soared over the fence, I’ve never seen a chicken fly so high. They caught an updraft in the recent windstorm and flew over the treetops before I could stop them.”
The Satins must have had a long flight, and it’s no surprise that they stopped first at the garden to refuel on vegetables and new plant starts. The flock even made a dust bath out of one of the garden plots, digging themselves into the warm dirt and enjoying the sunlight.
The Silkies had a much different story to tell about their foolish adventure. The rooster led his hens off the property into the back of a pickup truck parked on the side of the highway, and the driver accidentally dropped them off in Tacoma, where they trekked the rest of the way by their feet and near-useless wings, wings that don’t catch any air.
In a turn of springtime events, a mother hen even made a nest in garden bed and raised her chicks there on campus. You might be able to find them running around on the ground if you look long enough or listen closely for the chirping.
“Peep peep peep,” the little Silkie chicks said.
They will become the first generation of Silkie and Satin chickens at UW Tacoma to enter the student body and work their way towards positions on the student government, ASUWT. [Narrator breaks character] Wait a second… we’re getting a report from our newest reporter, feline journalist and animal expert, Mr. Momo…
BREAKING NEWS!
“MEOW MREOW MREOOOOW!,” the cat said, explaining what he is witnessing live from the rooftop of the tallest building on campus.
Now the hens and roosters are taking over the computer room, as they need to research how to sign up their children to attend UW Tacoma. It looks like they’re on their way over to the IAS Office! They’re flying up and down the stairs, oh no, they’re everywhere!
Someone please send help!
[radio crackles]
We are losing [crackle] broadcast signal through the [crackle] extreme… amount of fluff!
There is an army of chickens now headed toward the various schools, offices and departments. They are squawking and making noise, it’s a stampede, everybody please stay calm!
They must be a little peckish because some are running to the Husky Market!
April Fools!