Arts & Entertainment

5 fresh and natural ways to prepare for summertime

Ah, spring time — the season to pull out those floral dresses and gladiator sandals, prepare for the upcoming summertime, hit the gym to gain that “summer body,” and most importantly, focus on getting clearer skin, soft luscious hair and a good tan. Here are five do-it-yourself tricks and tips to take advantage of before the summer comes!

DIY Cheeto tanning oil

You will need:

1 large bag of Cheeto Puffs

1 stick of butter

Want a sweet tan like President Trump? We have the remedy for you! Empty the bag of Cheeto Puffs into a food processor and mix well. After completing the first step, microwave the butter until fully melted, then pour it into the food processor and mix the two together. Finally, rub the concoction all over your body and immediately lay in the sun for 10 hours, allowing the mixture to really soak in. Rinse and voilà! You’ll be as crusted and dusted as Trump himself!

Kalteen bars actually work!

You will need:

1 Kalteen bar

We all have watched — and loved — “Mean Girls.” We retweet their memes, we binge watch the movie until we can quote all the lines, and we try their foods — more notably, the Kalteen bar. However, they lied to us! Regina’s notorious Kalteen bars from Sweden are actually meant to “burn up all those carbs!” So if you really want to lose those three lbs., go on Amazon and buy some of these nutrition bars!

DIY Dirt facial masks

You will need:

1 solo brand cup

3 cups of dirt

1 cup of water

Dump the overpriced Lush facial masks, and go for something even more natural! Start with getting a simple solo brand cup, and use it to go into your garden to shovel three cups of dirt from your garden into a bowl. Then, add the water, and mix gently into a paste. Put the paste all over your face, and allow to soak overnight. In the morning, rinse gently, and make sure to moisturize your face with bacon grease for the dirt to come off easier. Clear skin calls for a happy summer!

Eat pizza crust for bouncing, curly hair

You will need:

1 box of your choice of pizza

It’s been said that the consumption of pizza crusts correlate with gaining that bouncy, curly hair that many women slave hours away working on. If you want the most lucious and soft curls, try eating the crusts off pizza! There is no set time for how long to eat the crusts, but studies have shown that if you eat pizza crust at least four times a week, your curls will become volumized waves in less than 10 days.   

Vinegar Deodorant to mask your B.O.

You will need:

1 bottle of apple cider vinegar

Is your body odor so bad that you avoid  those stylish tank tops during summer? Fear not, for apple cider vinegar is here to save the day! The disgusting smell of apple cider vinegar helps mask the B.O., which is a true win-win for everyone! So go to your local grocery store, pick up a big bottle of this bad boy, and smell like vinegar all day long!

There you have it! Five fresh and natural remedies that will prep and prime you for summer. However its safe to say none of these will actually work because HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S DAY!