What’s up, ladies? It’s Vincent, your humble guide to the sexiest video game men of all time. This list continues the current list started in a previous issue of the Ledger (Volume 17, Issue 22, February 19, 2013). To recap, in ascending order, the Top 5 sexiest video game in that list were John Marston from “Red Dead Redemption,” Jann Lee from “Dead or Alive,” Augustus Cole from “Gears of War,” and Ken Masters from “Street Fighter.”
Though these great video game men in the current issue are the bottom 5 of the top 10, they are by no means any less sexy. Indeed, they are very sexy. Otherwise, they would not have made the list.
So ladies, I again invite you to rest your head upon my shoulder and relax as we continue the countdown…
10. Johnny Cage – “Mortal Kombat” series
Though his cocky, arrogant attitude may repel women, Johnny Cage’s neatly combed back brown hair, trademark black shades, and fine physique provide wonderful eye candy. Yes, the tattoo of his first name sprawled across his chest blemishes his manly body, but it only expresses the level of confidence this Hollywood martial arts superstar has in himself. As an actor, he must get all the best tables at fancy restaurants. So if you’re out on a date with him and an another man is bothering you with his flirtation attempts, Johnny Cage will “Cage” him badly–by punching him in the groin really hard.
9. Blanka – “Street Fighter” series
This wild man has green skin and long orange spikey hair and orange fur in patches on his body. His real name is Jimmy, such a cute name for such a noble beast. There is no real explanation of how Blanka became such a wild man. He was in an airplane crash and then had to survive in the Brazilian rainforest. He just transformed into a green creature over time. Blanka has the power to generate electricity with his body, perfect for blackouts. But this green creature loves his mother, even though he’s self-conscious about being seen in public with her, fearing that he’s embarrassing her. As Kermit the Frog once said, “It isn’t easy bein’ green.”
8. “Soap” MacTavish – “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare” series
Probably the most epic scene in the “Modern Warfare” franchise is the ending of the first game, when Soap takes out Zakaev and two of his henchmen using a pistol with a single clip while his legs were out of commission. Soap has a nice look. He has a black Mohawk and his head is shaved at the sides. Soap looks so nice, I can stop the countdown here. But I won’t. So in the words of Soap’s comrade Ghost, “Let’s do this.”
7. Rodin – “Bayonetta”
A sexy bartender of a watering hole named Gates of Hell, Rodin is bald with a tribal tattoo encircling his cranium. Rodin’s voice sounds deep, or if the color crimson had a sound, crimson would be the sound of his voice. Although the Gates of Hell is a bar, it is actually a façade for Rodin’s guns business. He crafts demonic guns for his witch friend Bayonetta against her battle against angels. Rodin never reveals his eyes, for his wears big black shades.
6. Ryu Hayabusa – “Ninja Gaiden” series
Although his face is covered most of the time, Ryu’s ninja acrobatics express his agility. He can run up walls vertically, backflip while running up, and then backflip again on the wall behind him, and then repeat until he reaches his upper destination. Ryu makes extreme parkour look sexy, as he swings off poles and jumps large gaps. And of course he fights; he is a ninja, after all. His trademark fighting move is his Izuna grab. Hayabusa grabs his enemy, rockets upwards vertically, and rockets downwards in a spiral, shattering his enemy’s cranium and spine. Ouch!
Illustration by Danielle Burch