Red flags for relationships

Endless advice circles around socially on things that might help you characterize which people you meet could be potentially toxic. With so much guidance on social media and from word of mouth alike, it can sometimes be difficult to navigate. While all of this should be at your own discretion, sometimes having a simplified guide of general, universal things to look out for can be helpful at protecting yourself.

• The person is a multi-millionaire who lives in downtown Seattle, wears a lot of gray, and requires the signing of a contract to enter a romantic relationship with you.

This person is likely to pressure you into a toxic and abusive relationship, using their personal baggage and trauma as a way to justify their dysfunction. 

• When you first meet them and they inform you that you are really pretty, but you have to wear pink on Wednesdays.

People like this are very likely to socially isolate you, pressure you into things you don’t want to do, and cause a lot of drama. If you make the mistake of crossing these people, they will get revenge. I’ve also heard people like this sometimes get hit by buses. 

• They are small, green, work at a fast food restaurant, and are constantly obsessed with putting their competitor out of business.

We all know someone like this — always raving about some “secret formula”. More likely than not, they have an unhealthy marriage on the side. 

• They are large, purple, have a strange, wrinkly chin, and insist on hoarding gemstones.

This person has an obsession with control and could quite literally end the universe… or half of it. They display a lot of sociopathic tendencies and will stop at nothing to pursue their vision of how the world should be, with no sympathy. 

• Someone who is named “Tom Marvolo Riddle” and has no nose.

This sounds like a nightmare and a half, and it is. Chances are, someone like this will kill your parents and split their own soul up into a bunch of pieces in an attempt to be immortal.