Opinion: Cut ties with toxicity this new year

Imagine this scenario: You are in a race. At the finish line there are med­als, each representing a goal you set at the beginning of 2019. The gun pops, signaling that the race has be­gun. As you run, your heart pounds and adrenaline surges throughout your body.

However, instead of focusing on completing the race, your focus shifts to the burning sensation in your calves, your heavy breathing and the long journey to the finish line.

Toxic people are like running in a race with lead shoes — they slow you down. Cutting ties with toxic people is a difficult, yet necessary task. Here are a few tips that will help:

RECOGNIZE THE BEHAVIOR

Unlike cleaning products, toxic peo­ple don’t have warning labels on them. Therefore, it is important to pay attention to their comments and behaviors.

Take an inventory of your rela­tionships by answering each of the following questions:

• Do they give advice that builds you up or tears you down?
• Are they there for you when you are celebrating or achieving mile­stones?
• Do you receive as much as you give in the relationship?
• Do they only talk to you when they need to hold a gripe session?

If one recognizes any of these be­haviors or comments, they should re-evaluate how much time and en­ergy they devote to that person.

CONSERVE ENERGY

What if the toxic person is your boss or a family member? While it’s not always feasible to avoid these people, it is possible to manage how much energy you spend dealing with toxic behavior. If you find yourself trapped in a negative conversation with your mother, politely cut the chat short or focus on something else. Life is too short — don’t waste it on fruit­less conversations with those who aim to get a rise out of you. While you’re at work, focus on doing your best to complete the tasks you are assigned. Accept criticism for your work but ignore unnecessary jabs at your self-esteem. Toxic people thrive to suck the confidence and positivity out of you. An article from Psychology Today suggests to keep a ‘kudos folder’ — a folder filled with messages of praise either from yourself or others. Then, you are able to look through it when­ever you feel upset and you can even use it to feel better!

WHAT TO DO IF YOU’RE THE PROBLEM

If you yourself exhibit toxic behav­ior, it might be time for you to figure out ways to become a more positive and supportive person. For example, if you gossip like Regina George from “Mean Girls,” consider making a gos­sip jar. Like a swear jar, a ‘gossip jar’ calls for a fine — add a dollar to it whenever you catch yourself gossip­ing. However, not every whispered or private conversation is gossip. Unlike venting, gossiping is done with the intent to undermine and harm others — it begets more negativity in the world. Therefore, one should con­sider putting the funds from the gos­sip jar towards actions that will have a positive impact on others. For ex­ample, pay it forward in a drive thru or donate it to a charity of your choice.You’re not only helping someone else, but you’re letting the toxicity from yourself go.