10 things about myself that annoy me

1. I’m attracted to video game women:
My first video game crush was Chun-Li from “Street
Fighter II” for the Super Nintendo when I was eightyears-
old. Seeing her in that yellow tank-top and those
denim short-shorts during her ending sparked an emotion.
Because of Chun-Li, my standards are too high
when interacting with real women.
2. I’m neurotic:
Whenever I post on Facebook, I always write using
proper grammar. I proofread meticulously, and if my
post is missing even just a comma, then I delete and
rewrite it.
3. My glasses keep slipping:
My black hipster eyeglasses always slide down the
ridge of my nose, and I’m constantly adjusting them by
pushing them up like Gendo Ikari from the sci-fi anime
“Neon Genesis Evangelion.”
4. I love fighting video games, but I suck at them:
My right hand lacks flexibility when pressing the
buttons on my arcade stick to execute combos in “Super
Street Fighter IV” and my left hand lacks the
steadiness for hyper-hopping in “King of Fighters
XIII” when using the joystick.
5. I’m a picky eater:
I only eat fried, grilled, and barbequed foods.
I don’t eat soup because liquids are for drinking,
not eating, nor do I eat ramen noodles. Ramen
noodles smell like urine to me.
6. I’m overly polite in my emails:
Whenever I send an email to a friend, coworker, relative,
or professor, I always begin with “Dear.” I try not
to use contractions, and my diction sounds as proper as
a short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald. And I obsessively
proofread the salutation, making sure it reads “Dear”
and not “Dead.”
7. I’m addicted to YouTube:
I use YouTube mostly as a radio, searching for music,
because I’m paranoid about downloading music illegally.
8. I hate the sound of my voice:
My voice sounds robotic, especially when I stammer
or repeat myself, but also has a tone that sounds naturally
sarcastic. So when I say, “Gee, that’s nice,” I really
mean it.
9. I complain about geeky trivial minutiae:
For example, in the upcoming “Devil May Cry 5” video
game, Dante’s hair is brunette, not white. It is supposed
to be white!
10. I have a short attention span:
If you were able to read this article

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